Unlucky Number Six
by TMNTgrl
Summary: A crackfic poking fun at the many ways X6 likes to screw its players over. X and Zero have no idea what they're in for. Rated for language; oh, believe me, this game makes you swear.
1. Plot? What plot?

_** A/N: Whaaa? I wrote a story? It's been a while, huh? ;) Anyway, I've been a little blocked for TMNT ideas lately, so...here's some Mega Man X! X6, specifically.**_

_**Mega Man X6 is not a good game. Actually, it's a pretty bad game. The plot is bad, and the level design is worse. It makes me very angry. So what better thing to do than poke fun at it?**_

_**If you've played X6, a lot of these jokes may inspire personal memories. If you haven't, well...let me know and I'll do my best to explain. ;) Stupid awful game...**_

_**Obviously, this borders on being a crackfic. Don't take it too seriously, and ignore any OOC tendancies.**_

* * *

X paced the room slowly, shaking his head every few moments. He _still_ didn't understand what exactly had just happened.

High Max had appeared; that much made sense.

X fought the Zero Nightmare; that almost made sense.

And Zero had, for all intents and purposes, appeared out of nowhere.

Scratching his head, X went to question his friend. "Zero, I wanted to ask you something and is that a dead Metool and a cauldron?"

"Eh . . ." Zero allowed the little Hard-Hat to fall into the cauldron with a splash. "What'd you want to ask?"

"Remind me; I was barely conscious. Your last words were 'maybe I have to die to restore the peace'. Right?"

"Yeah."

"And you were . . . y'know, a torso. With one arm. And a gaping hole in your chest."

"Yes."

"And you were _dead_."

"Felt just like the first time I died."

"So how the hell'd you rebuild yourself? You can't repair yourself if you're dead! And _why_?"

"Hey, I didn't exactly plan on it. But they insisted." Zero cast a glance at the fourth wall.

"But I still don't understand how someone who's dead can rebuild themselves."

Zero ignored him as the cauldron began to quiver. "Yes . . . yes! It worked!" He started laughing. "It _worked_!"

The Metool hopped out of the cauldron, blinked at X, and ambled across the room- clueless as ever. Zero continued to laugh maniacally.

"Zero," X said slowly. "Have you been practicing necromancy?"

Zero grinned. "How else do you explain all those respawning enemies? And why do you think you always have to refight all the Maverick bosses?"

X backed out of the room and headed for the phone. "Keiji? X. I'd like to register a complaint."

* * *

**_A/N: Oh, believe me...the plot is NOT the worst thing about this game. Despite a long argument between me and my dad about whether or not robots can actually die, but let's not go into that._**

**_More to come. In the next chapter, we start to see some of many ways that the game likes to screw you over._**


	2. Commander Yammark

**_A/N: This chapter is incredibly short; I know. I couldn't find much to poke fun at in Yammark's stage (unless it's dark, but we'll get to that later). In fact, last time I played this stage, I discovered that there's a glitch than can make you invincible..._**

* * *

X squinted down from the beetle-platform. "Are there spikes down there?"

Zero shrugged. "Beats me. I can't see that far down."

"It's not even that far!"

"Well, apparently cameras like to screw with us."

A pause.

"_What_?"

"Never mind."

X sighed. "So we're jumping blind and assuming that there's somewhere safe to land."

"Seems so."

"Well . . . why not?" With a roll of his eyes, X made a leap of faith down the stairstepping turf.

A moment later, Zero heard him yell out in pain. "Yeah. Those were spikes."

* * *

**_A/N: I really hate that jump. The only way I seem to be able to do it is by either taking a hit and abusing mercy invincibility, or by dashing along the ceiling, which is awkward..._**

**_But it only got worse from here. I could handle Yammark; he wasn't awful. I do dislike those hologram enemies, though..._**


	3. Shield Sheldon

_**A/N: Actually, this stage isn't...awful. I had trouble with it when I first tried it, and the alternate pathway is absolute crap, but nonetheless...**_

* * *

"That . . . that Metool is floating," X said.

"Metools can't float," Zero pointed out.

"Why not?"

"Because . . ."

A pause.

"Because they just can't." Zero jumped, landing next to the little Hard-Hat. "It's just a random invisible platform." He took a step forward. "Whaaa-?"

X watched his friend scramble wildly for footing. "Slippery?"

"Gah!" Zero leapt across the pit to the nearest visible platform. "_Why_ is that slick? Just why?"

* * *

"Hah!" Zero swung his Z-saber at the shielded enemy, hoping to slice through the shield and get to its vulnerable insides. "What the-? Can't . . . move . . . sword . . . it's stuck! Ugh!" He yanked backward. "How does that even happen?"

Several yards away, X was busy repositioning mirrors to redirect lasers- one of which stubbornly aimed itself at the ground instead of the mirror.  
"Hey! _Hey_! Over here, you stupid laser!" He jumped and waved his arms. "Aim this w-"

_Zzzzkkk!_

"Uhf!"

"You okay?" Zero asked.

X groaned, rubbing his sore chest. "Stupid laser."

* * *

_**A/N: I hate those stupid slippery platforms. I don't even know why they're slippery. Really really smooth metal? Blah.**_

_**I also used to hate those stupid shielding enemies because the Z-saber gets stuck on them for a good 5 seconds. However, a point-blank Z-buster shot works well...**_

_**However, when I played the game earlier today (why do I play this game?) I found Shield Sheldon's stage a pretty good first choice after getting Zero...because it doesn't turn any other stage DARK. Ugh.**_


	4. Rainy Turtloid

**_A/N: Curse this level and everything about it...especially if you're playing as X. The floating platform section is just hell without a double jump._**

* * *

"Acid rain? Seriously?" X said. "Acid?"

"At least they weren't stupid enough to try to short us out with water," Zero noted.

"True . . . yet may I also point out that it's _dark_?"

"There's a spotlight."

"This is _stupid_. I can't see a thing and we're hunting for jewels smaller than our fists!"

Zero swatted away a Nightmare octopus. "And there's that."

"Rrrrghhh . . ."

* * *

X stared at the floating platform.

"Come on!" Zero called.

"No way! I can't make it across this mess! I can't even see it!"

"Can't swim?"

"Sink, more likely."

"Just get moving."

With a sigh, X began following Zero across the floating platforms. "Could be worse," Zero said.

"Easy for you to say. _You_ can double-jump! Ah-! Gaaah, these were not arranged with a normal robot in mind!"

A pause.

"Are you calling me abnormal?"

"Better question." X stumbled onto dry land to catch his breath. "Why's that Reploid floating just above the surface of the water?"

* * *

"No," X said. "_No_. Absolutely not. No! This is ludicrous!"

"Let's find the damn gems so we can leave," Zero snarled.

It took several minutes of blind stumbling, bats, rain, cliffs, and spikes before they met up in front of the rain machine- both grumbling expletives. If nothing else, the Z-buster made short work of Rainy Turtloid.

* * *

**_A/N: After a bit of experimentation, I decided that the best order for me to go in is Infinity Mijinion (to fetch Zero), then Shield Sheldon, and then Rainy Turtloid (where it WON'T be dark, and I can get the best weapon for Zero). I can handle Yammark's stage in the dark, because I use a glitch to make myself invincible and cheese the level anyway. And I have no qualms about that._**


	5. Infinity Mijinion

_**A/N: Hey, look! Reviews! That means an update! w00t!**_

_**...I have a confession to make, however. I don't hate this game. As much as I try, I just...can't. In fact, I'll play X6 before I'll play X3 or X7. There's something about X6 that makes me play it...maybe it's glitching my way through the levels with complete invincibility, or beating the everloving crap out of Sigma and Hi-Max. Anyhoo...I still feel the need to whine and gripe about the game. :P **_

_**Also, yeah, I know this thing is supposed to be a water flea. Seriously, Capcom, no one in American is gonna be able to translate 'mijinion'. Yeesh.**_

* * *

"Zero?"

"Hm?"

"What the _hell_ is a mijinion?"

Somewhere in the distance, a cricket chirped.

* * *

"This is insane!" X cried, zigzagging past lasers and Nightmares.

"Get those cables!" Zero drew his Z-saber.

X did as well, swinging heavily at the tangle of wires.

Zero stared at him. "That's it?"

"What?"

"Really, X? You can't do anything else with that sword?"

"Not . . . really . . ."

Zero rolled his eyes and pushed X aside. "Watch and learn."

He crouched, paused, and then began to spin, essentially becoming a pinwheel of death. It took mere moments to shred the cables.

"What was _that_?" X asked.

"Ensuizan."

"En-su-_huh_?"

"En-su-i-zan. Whirlpool slash."

"Since when do you speak Japanese?"

"Since two games ago."

* * *

"Quit cloning yourself!" Zero snapped.

"Which one's the real one?" X cried.

"I lost track five minutes ago; just kill all of them!"

"Fine!" X blasted one of the mijinions, only for another one to pop out of it. "But- hey!" He shot that one too- and another one appeared. "Aw, come on!"

"You won't beat me!" trilled Infinity Mijinion. "I'm invincible! I'll destroy you both! I-"

"AAAAAARG!"

Zero backed away slowly. "X? Do you . . . need some help?"

"DIE! DIE YOU FREAKY MIJINION! WHAT THE HELL'S A MIJINION ANYWAY?"

"I'll . . . take that as a no," Zero mumbled.

* * *

_**A/N: I hate fighting Infinity Mijinion. And I hate trying to use the Z-saber as X. So worthless. One more reason to ignore X and play as Zero.**_


	6. Blaze Heatnix

_**A/N: This stage is more long than anything if you use either Zero's giga attack, or X's charged metal anchor. Having to fight the same miniboss like 5 times gets old real fast, though.**_

_**And I recently realized that it's actually not a big red donut; it's a red snake biting its own tail. But it still kinda looks like a donut, especially to someone who's already worn out from 5 previous levels.**_

* * *

"Is that . . . a giant red donut?" X mumbled. "I think I'm starting to hallucinate . . ."

"Stand back," Zero warned, closing his eyes. His breathing slowed as he began gathering power into his core.

"Rrrrrahhhh!" Suddenly, he opened his eyes and slammed his fist into the ground, causing meteors to pour forth from the sky. The red donut crumbled.

"Zero," X said. "Whether it makes sense or not, I'm _so_ glad you're back."

"Hmph. Let's keep moving."

* * *

"How many of these red donuts are there?" Zero groaned. "I can only use this attack so many times!"

_"ZERO!"_

"_What_, Alia? We're a little busy."

_"Be careful of the magmas!"_

"The . . . magmas?" Zero echoed slowly. "Is that even a word . . . ?"

"All I see is purple fire," X said. "Wha . . . purple . . . ? Why's the fire purple?"

"Great," Zero grumbled. "Now not only is this place infested by a million red donuts and purple flames, but _magmas_ are trying to destroy us! _Great_!"

"Who comes up with this crap?"

Zero rolled his eyes toward the fourth wall.

* * *

_**A/N: Alia really needs to learn to stop speaking Engrish...and to stop trying to help.**_


End file.
